I have been driving for years, I hear you say. Perhaps, you think that this has prepared you for driving in South County Dublin, but I fear not. The only thing that can prepare you for that is practise. But before you start here are a few tips and the advice, never show fear, they will drive over you.
1. Stop signs
The mantra in our house when we were cutting our teeth on the roads was ‘stop at the stop sign.’ Simple enough, and one that I repeat in my head every time I stop at one. However in caution must be exercised at any major or dangerous intersections as stopping may lead you to a volley of horn blowing from behind. Stop signs carry a more ornamental purpose in areas such as Killiney Hill where stopping is interpreted as weakness.
2. Entering a car park
The courtesy you show other road users in different areas of the country you can now roll up and toss out the window. It is essential to neither look right or left when you enter, you might have to stop and let someone out. Or in. But don’t worry about that inconvenience, just keep going to where you want to go. That’s the most important thing. You must focus only on yourself.
3. Car parking
If you can’t fit your car in one space, just use two. Don’t ever question your ability to drive or your right to be there. Even if it’s busy and there are parents with small children who need that space at the door. Repeat after me, not my problem.
4. Effective communication
By far the easiest way to get someone in front of you to go faster is to drive as close to them as possible. Thus effectively communicating your intense need to be at the supermarket/school/gym in as little time as possible. Never ever pass. This could also be misconstrued as feebleness, and you can’t risk that. Similarly, if the person in front of you is taking their time about making a turn, feel free to blow the horn. Where you have to be twenty seconds faster is more important than the safety of their family. I mean you have places to be.
5. Size matters
The bigger your car, the more obnoxiously you must drive it. I mean, people don’t expect anyone in a seven series beamer to leave them enough space to take their child out in the hammering rain. Technically, this is character building for them, they might be more prepared next time. The important thing to note is that this is regardless of the age of your car. Tradition takes precedence here, with a fifteen year old range rover that you are still paying off taking a place higher in the pecking order than your four year old golf. I mean, how can you even feel important if you aren’t sitting higher than everyone else. That’s just madness.